30 June 2020

So how are all of you?

I tried a little escape plan. It flopped. So I am back here sharing my angst about the times. 

I can’t remember the last time when I have stayed put and not travelled for three months continuously. I did go to the airport once and that calmed down me a bit. I was reminded of my mother’s aunt – when my mom would become restless, her aunt would tell her to go sit in the railway station for a while so she could feel better! Yes, all of us love to travel and it has been difficult for the entire family. 

I have been using books and TV shows to leave behind what is around me – but then that is only for an hour or so. I can’t watch a full movie at home. I need the popcorn and coke to keep me going for 3 hours, along with the mega screen and the dolby sound. I have to be enveloped by the film to be able to watch it all in one go. Books are better – only, now I tend to fall asleep even while reading the most gripping of thrillers!

I needed a plan that would engage me fully without any time gaps. I decided on fostering baby animals – kitten, puppy it didn’t matter. My first attempt met with failure as I was told that the kittens needed to be fed boiled chicken or fish. I thought about it and decided that I wasn’t going to start on non-veg at this stage in my life. 

A couple of days later 3 kittens were abandoned at the Panjim police station in a small carton. What kind of people do that? The kittens were smaller than my palm – probably about 10 days old. I scurried around getting all that they need – milk powder, a tiny feeding bottle, a cage, lots of tissue. One by one they died over 4 days. They were just too small to survive and probably had feline flu as well. So they really suffered and died. It would have been kinder to them to have just drowned them in a bucket of water rather than separate them from their mother and leave them to be found elsewhere. A few minutes agony for the kittens and probably for the person who did it and it would all have been over. Instead the last kitten suffered for 4 days.

A friend commented that it was a strange God that would make such a tiny thing suffer so much. I guess that is why I prefer the theory of karma. But really, nothing explains this fully. 

Meanwhile I had had 4 days of total escape from the rest of the world. I wish I could say something lofty about how it made me stronger and spout some nice lines. Instead I was exhausted and slept well last night. I woke up this morning still tired and in a weird way calmer. I expected to feel angry, but there is only weariness. And I am here, back to the life I am familiar with. 

P.S. A week later, I was asked to look after another 3 kittens. They survived me and I survived them. Yesterday (14 Jul) they were found a cat mother who has just had 2 kittens and latched on to her. I slept well for another night and decided that I just need to deal with reality now. Ah well!

Goa IS beautiful in the rains – a few long drives will soothe me.